Everybody would love to have an amazing relationship – but most times it comes in all sort of shades, for others, it might be seasonal – dry, wet, winter, summer, spring etc.
Capacity to tolerate is the key here. Our differences are the things that make us who we are. Some differences, however, are not acceptable, so please kill it.
While for men, I can only speak for folks wired like me – temper and capacity to tolerate can be short when helpless. Especially when resources are scanty and variables start giving birth to more variables till everything becomes a super complex algebra! Other times, we are good happy happy folks – listening to wife and kids, friends and all.
While we won’t help you in stepping up to your responsibilities today, we will, however, give you other keys that are always and forever ever green in keeping relationships balling and sizzlingly hot!
Rule 1 – Accept Your Partner “As Is”
No, you’re not going to change them. And as long as you think you will, you’re going to be causing yourself — and the relationship — even more grief.
Rule 2 – Express Appreciation Frequently
Show admiration, not criticism. Complaints are fine. Criticism is more global — it attacks the person, not their behavior. They didn’t fuel the generator because they forgot, but because they’re a bad person.
Ever listen to someone madly in love talk about their partner? They sound downright delusional. They act like the other person is a superhero. A saint.
According to Psychologist Gottman research shows that above behaviour is perfect. People in happy relationships see their partner as better than they really are. Those in lousy relationships see their partners as worse than they really are.
Rule 3 – Communicate From Integrity
Be honest and don’t punish them for being honest. “Accept your fears that honesty and integrity will not always make you look good” and “Have as your objective the resolving of the conflict and not the gaining of advantage.” Which can be where most people miss the point. Sounds cliche but honesty is critical.
Rule 4 – Share And Explore Differences With Your Partner
Maybe they believe or want something you consider plain wrong. That judgment isn’t going to help. Pschycologist Ellis in his research says, “Assume that your partner always has a position worth considering.” You can agree to disagree, but don’t avoid the hard topics and don’t be dishonest about your perspective just to keep the peace. The peace that will be “unkept” tomorrow is not peace.
Rule 5 – Support Your Partner’s Goals Wholeheartedly
It’s not all talk. Ellis says to “Express your love for your partner in practical and supportive ways.” Help them get what they want and need.
Rule 6 – Give Your Partner The Right To Be Wrong
Are you perfect? Of course not. Neither are they. Don’t forget that when things get heated. If you punish them for every error and accuse them of being a bad person, they’re going to hide their mistakes and not discuss them. Allow them to admit mistakes and they can learn and improve.
Perfectionism does not make for a happy love life. Accepting the imperfections can make for a happy love life.
We hope these articles have been helpful – we like to read again from you how you have been improving your relationships.